It's been quiet. Too quiet. Nothing remotely interesting appears in the wasteland of May films. I must journey. Journey far, for my acumen can no longer bear the full brunt of this seemingly endless drought.
So, there I was, in my lonesome and time consuming quest to find something worthy of my time and my slowly diminishing intellect. Right then, in my moment of weakness where I thought a collapse of the spirit was imminent, an entity appeared on the horizon. A visage so intriguing, that it made me crave a newer film like never before.
It was Hanna.
It tells a tale of a girl. An assassin, sent, in short, on a sort of a hike mission through Europe. The story is quite incredible, as it simultaneously manages to be weightless, unconnected, undeveloped and utterly and absolutely fucking boring!
You will find yourself fantasizing about watching a relaxing top notch assassin/espionage/action flick. Then, as it progresses, you will continuously and unwillingly be lowering your expectations, as you'll be force fed stupid and out of place humour, boring storyline, horrific "artistic" scenes and a couple of perfect examples of how not to use the slow motion feature. As this all comes gradually, you can't help, but think that something good and interesting will eventually show up. It has to, right? It just has to! It doesn't. As a reward, for sitting through all of that, you are shamelessly given an ending that comes as a backhand slap from Mike Tyson. It hurts and it makes you dumber.
The acting is on the same level with the story. One would say they are in perfect harmony. It is truly horrible. Saoirse Ronan is either unbelievably untalented or she just had a couple of extremely bad weeks while shooting this. And Eric Bana and Cate Blanchett pretty much took a huge shit on every one of their previous roles, if you'll pardon my French.
I really don't have anything else to add, as I clearly spent too many words on this abomination already.
So, I'll just rate it with 3 out of 10, run and stay the fuck away.
