May 6, 2012

The Avengers - Marvel's praised child of glorious continuity.

Right, so I went to see this not expecting anything. I am pleased and aggravated to say that it delivered greatly, but at the same time, also failed miserably. Before the hateful cringe, please let me elaborate.

First of all, the script. Really? Loki made a BFF? With a Chitauri? How the fuck did that happen? In case you're not familiar with this wonderful race, let me enlighten you. They are a kind of space-wandering aiding puppeteers. They like to infiltrate and mimic things, in order to push some kind of agenda (e.g. helping the Nazis). The invasion type scenario shown in The Avengers is not likely to happen. And I'm not even mentioning what kind of advanced technology they possess that would utterly invalidate their need for an aggressive invasion.

Secondly, why the fuck would a fucking god rely and hang out with Hawkeye or Black Widow? He's a fucking god! I mean, fuck a god who needs help from a dude who shoots arrows. I fail to see how this is a valid scenario: "Greetings, I am Thor, son of Odin, the god of thunder and the strongest of all Asgardians. I wield the mighty mjolnir, can fly, and even travel through time - yet, I'm really in the need of Robin Hood and Mata Hari with guns to help me out." Yeah, valid as fuck.

Thirdly (it's a word), the Hulk. If my knowledge of the character is correct, he is a monster "powered" by rage. Yet, a simple bike ride helped him control this monstrous beast? Plot abyss, anyone?

Fourthly, fifthly... The list of frustration goes on and on. However, this has already been deemed the best superhero movie of all times. When did we stop caring about the story a movie holds? Today it's all about who can create the best looking CGI of Manhattan being reduced to rubble. Wow, how inspiring.

Now, remember how I said that, although the movie failed in so many ways, it also delivered? Well, I'm getting to that. It made out to be quite a good mash-up. Both the heroes and the lesser ones played their part, some flew and others ran around. I even had a few laughs - Iron Man and the Hulk took well care of that. The CGI and the widespread destruction looked beautiful. And the acting was great, minus Scarlett Johansson - she couldn't bare a roll if her life depended on it. Latex and leather are another story. And that's about it.

Summary or tl;dr: Robert Downey Jr. still fucking owns, my girlfriend had an orgasm every time Hemsworth took the stage, CGI destruction was great, the movie itself was a total clusterfuck.

Due to the fun factor and the fun factor only: 8 out of 10 tops!